Joy & Pain
I’m so happy to be back after taking a couple of months to recover from an auto accident that caught me completely off guard. I had traveled out of state to support a friend going through chemotherapy, hoping to ease some of her pain and stress. But on our way to a light hike, another driver T-boned her car, pinning me in the passenger seat. The pain was worse than anything I’d ever imagined, and I knew instantly that I was injured. What followed was my own recovery from injuries to my fingers, hand, wrist, arm, and head. Although I’ll never be 100%, each day I feel closer to myself again. The MŌR JOY principles have been a lifeline during this time.
My Relationship with Pain
Most of my life, I tried to avoid pain. As a teenager, when sports got competitive, I pushed back against the “no pain, no gain” mentality. In college, I chose a degree in Community Health and Health Promotion, focused on prevention. I believed that if you made good choices early, you could avoid suffering later. As an adult, my mantra became: “Why suffer if you don’t have to?” I prided myself on dodging pain and discomfort, convinced I could outsmart it.
When Life Shifted
Then came some hard years. First, empty nesting. My twin daughters left home, and while I was proud and happy for them, I hadn’t expected the grief of that transition. At the same time, I made a major career change that forced me to face tough questions about who I really was and what I wanted. Layered on top of that were two more losses: a sudden death in our family and the passing of our beloved dog of 15 years. These experiences brought growth, but they were painfully heavy.
Just when I thought I’d moved through the worst, the next year brought an emergency appendectomy followed by the car accident that permanently damaged my right hand. Neither was preventable. Both reminded me that no matter how proactive you are with healthy living, some pain is simply out of your control.
What Pain Has Taught Me
I’ve been through broken bones, a C-section, biopsies, and surgeries. In the past, I saw pain as temporary - I knew healing was happening, and eventually, it would ease. Discomfort made sense to me; it meant progress. But this time was different. I learned how unpredictable pain can be. Google became my false hope, promising pain should fade in a few days when mine lingered for weeks. That uncertainty fueled fear. I kept asking - Is something wrong? Am I healing? Is it getting worse? Six weeks after the accident, I realized I had to accept pain as part of life. To my surprise, I found I could still laugh, still have fun, and feel gratitude even in the middle of it.
Two Powerful Shifts
Hurt vs. Harm
I discovered an important question: Is this pain hurting me, or harming me? Hurt means it’s uncomfortable but it is still helping you as part of healing process. Harm means it’s damaging something and needs attention. This distinction gave me perspective.Mindfulness and Meditation
I had been resisting my pain, trying to push it away. But through mindfulness, I learned to simply notice it. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Ironically, letting go of the resistance to it often made the pain feel lighter or even disappear for moments at a time.
Moving Forward
I’m still healing, still learning. But I know now that joy and pain can coexist. When you learn how to manage pain, you create space for hope. I’ve learned that pain may not always be preventable, but joy is always possible - even alongside it.
Here are two resources that helped me on this journey:
Book: The Way Out by Alan Gordon
Mind Body Stress Reduction free course: palousemindfulness.com
